Trying to say goodbye
by Daryl'sVixon
Summary: Daryl trys to deal with the lose of Carol and his feelings. My take of episode 3x05.


_**Hi guys, it's been so long since I have written anything because I have been so sick with my morning sickness but now it seems to be slowly passing and after watching the last episode I was so confused and upset I just had to write my take on what happens in 3x05. I'm hoping everything works out and that Carol is safe I will be so upset if she is gone…. Anyway a big thank you to my lovely beta and I hope I haven't lost my touch hehe, hope you all enjoy.**_

_Trying to say goodbye_

Daryl moved across the open field towards the three freshly dug graves. He couldn't believe the events of the past few hours. Everything had been going so well. They had found a place; their safe haven, somewhere to call home. They had cleared a block for them and had removed all the walkers' bodies from the yard. Hershel was alive and had gotten up for the first time, people were happy and smiling and then all hell broke loose.

He should have seen it coming.

He had watched in horror as the walkers headed towards the rest of the group. _**"Carol," **_his mind screamed. He had kept her safe all this time, had always been there to save her. He had even taken the time to teach her to shoot and to use a knife but now he was helpless. There was nothing he could do but run towards her and as fast as he could, hoping he got to her before a walker did.

By the time he, Rick and Glenn got through the gate and into the yard everyone was gone. After taking out the remaining walkers they looked around frantically for any sign. They quickly spotted Hershel and Beth safely locked away. After Hershel explained what had happened, they had headed off to find the others.

It had all gone in slow motion, finding the generators, finding Andrew alive, finding what was left of T-Dog and just a few feet away Carol's scarf. Daryl had felt his throat tighten and tears burn his eyes but he fought them back not wanting to show Rick and Glenn how broken up he was over Carol's death.

After they had moved their way back outside and learned about the loss of Lori, Daryl had kicked himself into action wanting to find any reason not to deal with the fact that Carol was gone because if he did he knew he would fall apart just like Rick and someone needed to keep it together.

Daryl and Maggie had hopped onto his bike and headed out for supplies knowing the baby would need formula and her newborn shots. They would have to find a town nearby that had a hospital and chemist. Their trip had been a success. Of course they had run into trouble and there had been a few close calls but they had been determined to get what they needed for Lori's baby.

When they had arrived back at the prison, Daryl had hopped off the bike looking over at the three fresh crosses. Sighing, he looked back at Maggie. Handing her the bags, he said nothing just nodding before turning and heading towards the grave. Maggie felt bad for Daryl. He was clearly hurting, it was clear Carol had meant a lot to him and she couldn't help but wonder if he and Carol had been more than just friends.

Daryl stopped, removing his crossbow from his back and laying it next to what he believed to be her grave as he dropped down onto one knee. He sighed, hands running across his dirt covered face. He didn't know how to deal with what he was feeling. He and Carol had spent the past year getting close, becoming friends and although they had flirted and joked at times it had never gone beyond friendship even though he had hoped one day it would.

That would never happen now, she was gone.

He looked at the three graves all freshly covered. He saw they had engraved Lori and T-Dog's names on their crosses but not on Carol's. He wondered why that was. He also couldn't help but wonder where they had found her and what had happened to her; was she bit and they had to put her down? Or was she torn apart like T-dog had been? He felt sick at the thought of her being ripped apart by walkers. He felt his eyes burn with fresh tears and this time he did nothing to fight them instead he let them fall.

"God damn it, woman!" he all but shouted. "What were you thinking taking on those walkers you should of just ran like Hershel and Beth did, ran and stayed safe." Tears skimmed down his cheeks and he felt his throat tighten. Swallowing the lump that was now lodged there, he continued.

"I should have been there for yah, to keep yah safe, I should have told yah…," he sighed taking a deep breath, "How much I cared for yah, what yah meant to me… you were my reason for fighting, for being here in this hellish world but I was scared to tell yah. We lose people all the time and I was scared if I told yah and we got closer and I lost yah that it would rip my heart out… seems like it didn't matter cause my heart has been ripped out knowing you're gone anyway." Angrily brushing the tears from his face he felt rage boil through him, how could this keeping happening to them, couldn't they just catch a god damn break.

"I failed you just like I failed Sophia," he whispered tears choking him up. "And I'm so sorry."

"You never failed me." He spun so fast at the sound of her voice that he almost lost his footing and fell on his ass. Standing, he stared at her in disbelief. "And you never failed Sophia, what happened to her could have happened to anyone I don't blame you or anyone else."

"You're alive," his voice was soft and hoarse, his face was dirty, red and wet with tears.

"Yes, I'm alive," she said, smiling softly.

"How?"

"T-Dog saved me, he had been bit in the yard and I guess he figured he was done for anyway and he was determined to get me to safety," she said tears shining in her eyes thinking of T-Dog and what he had done for her. "So he threw himself at two walkers that were in our way and yelled at me to run… I just started to run when one of the walkers reached for me and grabbed my scarf but I got away, I was almost out of the prison when I saw five walkers blocking my way. I had no bullets left and no knife so I ran into one of the prison cells and grabbed a sheet off one of the beds and put it up so they couldn't see me and I waited hoping they would move on… a little while after, Glenn found me and got me out." He was staring at her with a mixture of shock and disbelief. Two minutes must had gone by but it seemed Daryl had lost the ability to talk. "Daryl say something please," she almost begged but before she knew what was happening he was moving towards her, one hand grasping her waist and the other clutching the back of her neck as he smashed his lips down onto hers.

She was stunned at first but quickly responded to his kiss. He kissed her with everything he felt inside of him the past few hours – love, lose, fear, sadness and longing. When breathing became an issue they broke the kiss. Eyes still closed he leaned his forehead to hers breathing hard.

"Don't ever do that to me again woman, I can't stand to lose yah." She smiled softly opening her eyes to look at him.

"I love you too Daryl," she replied, he opened his eyes smiling at her, she was right he did love her more than anything and he was just so happy that she was alive and safe in his arms. Moving forward he kissed her again and promised himself he would live every day with her without worrying about what the others thought, he would live every day with her like it was their last because it had been proven to them today that any day could be their last but he swore he would never let anything happen to her as long as he lived cause he now knew he couldn't live without her.


End file.
